Lack of self-esteem

“I’m 24 years old and have multiple problems on my mind. I’m currently a third-year student of economics, but I’m not convinced that I like it. I don’t think I fit in with this business because I don’t feel like I’m being attracted to the classes and to my own study. That’s the only problem. I have no passions, no hobbies. I can’t tell what my purpose in life is and what I’m aiming for. I don’t make money because studying takes up too much of my time and I am tired of working afterwards. My life is boring and monotonous. I have a terrible routine and don’t know what to do about it. I’d like to have an interest in something but I’m afraid of the pressure that would fall on me. You may not understand it, but I was always told to compete, I always had to be better than others and prove it to my family. I did it only for them, and my own sense of value was falling. Everyone around me appreciated me, but I didn’t do it myself, just like I never fulfilled my dreams, ever. I had them a long time ago, but I preferred to satisfy others and do something I didn’t quite like to make others happy. This is basically my biggest problem, I do everything for other people and I get lost. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know which mask I wear is the real one, and there are a lot of them. To please everyone, I change my behavior. I behave in such a way that those above me like and accept me. I’m so afraid of judgment that I prefer to play. Once I heard a joke that I could be a great marketer, because this profession involves fitting. Then I felt sad because someone noticed my behavior and I realized the truth.”

The above example of behaviour is not invented, this description fits a person I met years ago. She is aware of what I have presented to you. She is now aware of her problems and its made her work on herself, which I think is a great step forward. It seems to me that she is not unique in her thinking. Probably a lot of people with a lack of self-esteem can attribute some of the elements from the above description to themselves.

So, what factors contribute to loss of confidence and self-esteem?

1. Family

Here, without speculation, the proverb “with whom you agree, that’s how you become” must be emphasized. Whether you want it or not, our family is a huge part of our life. From birth we live with them and are brought up in accordance with their norms and values, so it has a significant impact on our perception of ourselves. Parents humiliating their child or wanting to show their child’s attributes temporarily, despite the child’s lack of comfort, can influence their sense of value.

2. Acquaintances

Just like with family, friends are the next largest group of people influencing us. It is them, especially during the period of teenage rebellion, who surround us and help us to deal with problems. Everything depends on what kind of company we enter, and that depends on how our parents raised us and what we are inclined to do. What kind of people we choose doesn’t come from nowhere, every decision we make has been made through a different decision that has led us to where we are.

3. Sensitivity

Whether we are very sensitive and gentle is very important for our psyche and health. A sensitive person both experiences stronger and feels stronger. Yet on the other hand, they can suffer more. They also feel more fear and pressure. This has its advantages and disadvantages, like any character trait, but it is worth being aware of yourself and knowing where our emotions come from and why. When we have such knowledge we are prepared and ready to deal with problems.

4. Perfectionism

Such people want to be the best in every aspect, striving for perfection and showing themselves well in every light, they forget that they are not doing it for themselves. Their self-esteem is focused on evaluating other people and leads to fear and anxiety with every stumble. These people are under a lot of pressure and can’t cope with it. In extreme cases, perfectionism can compound bad moods and even the beginning of depression.

5. Envy

This is the worst of emotions. Envy can lead us to a makeshift wake-up call on someone’s misfortune. It has a negative impact on ourselves because instead of focusing on ourselves, we start thinking about other people, and what’s worse, it makes us nervous.

Now a brief explanation of why I focused on these factors. These are the most common factors that cause self-confidence, and by being aware of them and knowing them, we can explain certain behaviors and learn about their roots. This will help us focus more on them and maybe our confidence will start to return. Remember that there will always be people who don’t like us, who will have a negative attitude towards us or who will derive pleasure out of any downfall we suffer. So distance yourself from such types, and allow them to feast in their misery and unpleasantness.

This is punishment enough.